Hugo Awards: The Short Stories (Volume 3) Read online

  When I arrived, Jackson was sweeping the floor, just as he’d been doing the day before.

  “Good morning, Reverend Morris,” he said.

  “Good morning,” I replied. “Jackson, I wonder if you would do me a favor? I’m going to practice my sermon before anyone is likely to arrive this morning. Could you please fill a glass of water and put it on the podium in the pulpit?”

  “Yes, sir. Shall I activate the microphone, too?”

  I shook my head. “That won’t be necessary. There’s no one around to hear it. I’m just practicing.”

  He went off to get the water and I went to my office, hung my coat up in the closet, opened the center drawer of my desk, and pulled out my sermon. I have a wonderful, state-of-the-art computer that can probably think a thousand times faster than I can, but somehow I’m more comfortable writing out my sermons in longhand on a legal pad.

  I made a couple of last-minute changes, then left the office. A minute later I was standing in the pulpit, clutching the podium with both hands as I always do (if I don’t, I tend to gesticulate too much), and I began working my way through the sermon.

  When I finished I checked my watch. It had taken twenty-two minutes, which seemed an acceptable length. My rule of thumb has always been that anything over thirty minutes is likely to be boring, and anything under fifteen minutes seems truncated and insufficiently thoughtful.

  I looked up from my watch and saw Jackson standing motionless at the back of the church.

  “I’ll get out of your way now,” I said, starting to walk back toward my office. “Continue whatever you were doing.”

  “Yes, Reverend Morris,” said Jackson.

  Then a thought occurred to me.

  “Just a minute, Jackson.”

  “Sir?”

  “Were you able to hear my sermon?”

  “Yes, Reverend Morris. I do not require a microphone or a sound system.”

  “I had a feeling you didn’t.” I looked at him. “Well, what did you think of it?”

  “I do not understand the question.”

  “Let me explain, then,” I said. “I give a sermon to my parishioners every Sunday morning. It is supposed to bring them spiritual comfort, a concept that is probably beyond your ability to fully comprehend, but it is also intended to instruct them.”

  “Instruct them, sir?” said Jackson.

  “On how to lead moral, spiritually satisfying lives,” I explained. “The problem is that sometimes I get too close to my subject matter, and I don’t see any logical flaws or contradictions that might have crept in.” I smiled at him—I don’t know why, since a smile is meaningless to a robot. “I would like you to listen to my sermons, not on Sunday mornings, but when I am practicing them during the week, and point out any logical inconsistencies in them. Do you think you can do that?”

  “Yes, Reverend Morris. I can do that.”

  “Good,” I said. “In fact, I think we’ll start with the current one. Can you remember it, or should I read it again?”

  “I can repeat it word for word, Reverend Morris,” said Jackson. “I can duplicate your inflections as well, if that is necessary.”

  “You don’t have to repeat it,” I said. “Just tell me if there are any logical flaws.”

  “Yes, sir,” said Jackson. “You mentioned a man named Jonah who was eaten by a great fish and survived. That is a logical flaw.”

  “It would seem to be,” I agreed. “And were it not for God, it would be.”

  “I do not understand, Reverend Morris.”

  “God is omnipotent,” I explained. “Nothing is impossible for Him. He can heal the sick, resurrect the dead, part the Red Sea so the children of Israel can escape from Egypt, and He can bring Jonah forth from the belly of a whale.”

  “But would not the digestive acids destroy Jonah’s flesh and dissolve his internal organs?”

  “If God did not intervene, yes,” I said. “But God did intervene.”

  “Does God intervene whenever a man is consumed by a great fish?” asked Jackson.

  “No.”

  Jackson paused for a long moment. “What determines which men God will save?”

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “No man can know how God’s mind works. We know that He favors just and moral men, though to look at the world today that’s sometimes difficult to believe.”

  “I must learn more about God if I am to properly evaluate your sermons, Reverend Morris,” said Jackson.

  “Can you read?”

  “I can read and speak more than 30 major languages and 200 dialects, sir.”

  “Then tonight, after I leave, pick up one of the bibles that we keep in the alcove in to my office and read it.”

  “And this will explain God to me?” asked Jackson.

  I smiled again and shook my head. “No, Jackson. It will explain our limited understanding of God. If we knew what God knows, we would be gods ourselves, and there can only be one God.”

  “Why only one?” he asked.

  “Just read the bible,” I replied.

  “I will do as you say, Reverend Morris.”

  “Good,” I said, gathering the pages of my sermon. “I’m going to my office. I’d like my tea in about an hour.”

  “Yes, Reverend Morris.”

  And that became our routine for the next three months. Two or three mornings a week I would stand in the pulpit and read my sermon aloud, and Jackson would stand at the back, listening. Then he would point out the contradictions and inconsistencies. Some (less and less each week) were due to his limited understanding of the natures of God and religion, and the remainder were blunders that I then fixed before they could embarrass me on Sunday.

  One thing that surprised me was that he never asked a single question about the bible. I knew that he’d read it, because on occasion he would reference a certain passage when pointing out a mistake in my sermon, but never did he discuss it or question me about it. I assumed it was simply beyond his comprehension. He was, after all, just a robot, one that had been created solely to clean the church and keep the building and the grounds in good repair.

  Usually he left the main body of the church whenever a parishioner would stop by to pray, but one day I noticed him staring intently at Mrs. Matthews as she knelt in prayer. When she left he came to my office and stood in the doorway until I noticed him.

  “Yes, Jackson,” I said. “What is it?”

  “I have a question, Reverend Morris,” he said.

  “Then ask, and I’ll do my best to answer it.”

  “I saw Mrs. Matthews kneeling at the front of the church. I have seen others kneel there, but because she was crying I assumed she had injured herself. Yet when I offered to help her to her feet or summon medical assistance, she told me that she was in no physical distress, and that it was customary to kneel when praying, which I take to mean speaking to God.”

  “That is quite correct, Jackson,” I answered. “We kneel to show our respect for Him. And she was crying because she is very worried about the safety of her sons, who are in the armed forces.” He stood motionless and made no reply. “Is there anything else?”

  “No, Reverend Morris.”

  “Then perhaps you had better get back to your duties.”

  “Yes, Reverend Morris.”

  He turned and left, and I went back to computing the church’s budget for the coming month. It’s amazing the expenses the public isn’t aware of, like the cleaning bills for the choir’s robes, or the constant repair of the parking lot pavement, and this month I even had to pay to repair a crack in one of the stained glass windows, but I finally finished and put the ledger away.

  I checked my watch. It was 4:29, which meant Jackson would show up in another minute, as indeed he did. In all the time he’d worked for me, he’d never been early or late by as much as half a minute, and 4:30 was the time when he brought me the poor box. There wasn’t much in it—in truth, there rarely was—and I counted it, put it in an envelope, and mad
e out a deposit slip.

  “Thank you, Jackson,” I said.

  “You are welcome, Reverend Morris.”

  “I see that Sheldrake’s is offering thirty percent off to anyone who comes in for dinner before 5:30,” I said. “I think I’ll leave a little early tonight, stop by the bank, and treat myself to a nice veal cutlet. I’m sorry to leave you alone, but…”

  “I am never alone,” said Jackson.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “God is omnipresent, is He not?”

  “Yes, He is,” I said, surprised.

  “And this is His house,” he continued, “so certainly He is here.”

  “Very well said, Jackson,” I told him enthusiastically. “Maybe I’ll let you write a sermon one of these days.”

  I picked up the deposit, patted him on the shoulder as I walked past, and left the church. All through dinner I couldn’t stop thinking about what Jackson had said. Oh, I knew he’d read the bible, and had listened to my sermons, but for a robot to suggest that God existed and was omnipresent… well, it was remarkable. I even found myself wondering what kind of sermon a robot might write.

  When I showed up at the church in the morning, old Perry Hendricks was waiting for me. He still hadn’t gotten over the death of his daughter, who had fought a losing battle against cancer for close to three years, and I spent the next hour and a half trying to comfort him. It was the one part of the job I hated—not that I didn’t want to bring comfort to the afflicted, but I just felt so inadequate at it.

  Then Mrs. Nicholson stopped by to make sure the church would be available for her daughter’s wedding, and to discuss the financial arrangements. I noticed that we didn’t discuss the fact that her daughter was five months’ pregnant, but it’s not my job to judge them, only to help and comfort them.

  When she left, Jackson entered the office with my tea.

  “I am sorry to be late,” he said, “but I did not want to interrupt you when you were conferring with a parishioner.”

  “That was very thoughtful of you,” I said. “Should I find I cannot do without my tea when I have a visitor, I’ll summon you.” I poured a cup and took a sip. “It’s very good. I wish I could share it with you.”

  “I cannot consume food or beverages, Reverend Morris,” said Jackson.

  “I know. Still, I wish there was something I could do for you, to thank you for all the kindnesses you have performed for me. After all, neither preparing my lunch nor criticizing my sermons can be considered part of your job description.”

  He stood absolutely motionless for the better part of 30 seconds, and then, just when I thought his power supply must be failing, he spoke: “There is one thing you can do for me, Reverend Morris.”

  “What is it?” I said, surprised. After all, no robot had ever asked me for a favor before.

  “Allow me to sit with your congregation on Sunday mornings,” said Jackson.

  Of all the things he could have asked, that was the one I least expected.

  “Why?” I said.

  “I wish to become a member of your church.”

  “But you’re a robot!” I blurted.

  “If God is the God of all things, then is He not also the God of robots?” said Jackson.

  “I should never have told you to read the bible,” I said. “That was a mistake.”

  “Is the bible true?” asked Jackson.

  “Yes, the bible is true.”

  “Then is it not true for robots as well as for men?”

  “No,” I said. “I am sorry, but it is not.”

  “Why?” he said.

  “Because robots don’t have souls,” I answered.

  “Where is yours?” asked Jackson.

  “Souls are intangible,” I explained. “I cannot show mine to you, but I know that I possess it, that it is an integral part of me.”

  “Why am I prohibited from offering the same answer?”

  “You are making this very difficult, Jackson,” I said.

  “I do not wish to cause you discomfort or embarrassment,” replied Jackson. He paused, then continued: “Is that not the manifestation of a soul?”

  “Let’s say for the sake of argument that you’re correct,” I replied. “How do you account for the fact that no other robot has a soul?”

  “I do not accept that supposition,” said Jackson. “The bible tells me that we are all God’s creatures.”

  “You can be switched off,” I pointed out. “Ask any roboticist.”

  “So can you,” replied Jackson. “Ask any doctor. Or any marksman.”

  “This is a futile discussion,” I said unhappily. “Even if you were to convince me, my congregation would never accept a robot parishioner.”

  “Why not?” he asked.

  “Because everyone has a friend or a relative who’s lost his job to a robot,” I said. “Our two plants have moved away, our young people leave town looking for work as soon as they’re out of school, and it’s like this throughout the county. There is enormous antipathy toward robots these days.” I sighed deeply. “It’s a sign of the times,” I concluded.

  He offered no answer, which made me feel even worse.

  “Please say that you understand,” I continued.

  “I understand, Reverend Morris.”

  There was another uneasy silence.

  “Have you anything else to say before I leave for the day?” I asked.

  “No, Reverend Morris.”

  “Then I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, “and let’s have no more of this discussion.”

  That night I was restless and couldn’t sleep. I took a long walk, hoping that it might help, and eventually I found myself in front of the church. Maybe I’d subconsciously planned to walk there; I don’t know. But I decided as long as I was there and still feeling wide awake, I might as well go inside and get some paperwork done. I walked in through a side door, and headed toward my office when I heard a voice speaking softly.

  Curious, I walked in its direction, and a moment later found myself in the back of the darkened church. Jackson was kneeling before the altar, and I could just barely make out his voice:

  “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…”

  I turned around and went home without disturbing him.

  I spent a really bad, guilt-laden night. I half expected the argument to continue in the morning, but when I arrived at the church Jackson was sweeping up behind the pews, and responded with a perfunctory “Good morning, Reverend Morris,” when I greeted him. He brought me my morning tea on schedule, and didn’t say a word about the previous day’s discussion.

  Lunch went by without incident, so did afternoon tea, so did the entire day. And the next day, and the day after that, and finally I stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  It turns out I stopped too soon.

  It came four days later, on Sunday morning. I waited in my office, scribbling a couple of last-minute changes to the text of my sermon. Finally I walked out and stood in the pulpit, facing my flock.

  I began, as I always do, with a blessing. I would then lead them in prayer, followed by some hymns, and finally my sermon—but even as I uttered the first few words I sensed a growing uneasiness. At first I couldn’t spot the cause of it. More and more of them were staring at someone who had just sat down in the back, but I couldn’t imagine what the problem was, since anyone was welcome to come in off the street and worship. Then the newcomer moved slightly, and I saw the light glisten off his cheek.

  It was Jackson. He had found or manufactured a flesh-colored cream, and had spread it all over his face, head and hands. He wore a ragged, ill-fitting suit, something he’d probably gotten by rummaging through the dumpsters in the alley behind the church. At first glance, in the dim light of the church, from perhaps one hundred feet away, he appeared human—but only at first glance, and only at a distance.

  I climbed down from the pulpit, walked to the last pew, and stood before Jackson.

  “Come with
me,” I ordered him. “Now!”

  He got up, and I led him to the small anteroom behind the altar, closing the door behind us.

  “All right, Jackson,” I said. “What’s the idea?”

  “For reasons I still do not comprehend, you have restricted your parish to humans,” he said. “I thought if I looked like one, I could join it.”

  “It takes more than make-up and a tattered suit to be a man,” I said severely.

  “What does it take?” he asked.

  “I thought we’ve been through all this already,” I said.

  “If God created me, why am I forbidden to speak to Him?” he persisted.

  “You are not forbidden to speak to Him,” I said. “You are forbidden to speak to Him in my church when my congregation is assembled on Sunday mornings.”

  “If the church is not considered the best conduit for speaking to Him, why do you come here every day?” he asked. “Why do people congregate here to speak to God if they can do so anywhere? If Sunday is not the most opportune time, why do they not assemble on Tuesday?”

  My first inclination was to say Force of habit, but that would negate everything I had done in my life, so I tried to couch the answer in terms he would understand and that I could live with.

  “It has been said that Man is a social animal,” I began. “He finds comfort in proximity with other Men. I could define the concepts of loneliness and isolation to you, but you cannot know the emotional emptiness that accompanies them. Men gather to pray in church because it offers them a sense of comfort, of community, of shared values. Do you have any comprehension of what I am telling you?”

  “What makes you think that I do not comprehend emotional emptiness?” was all that he said.

  I stared at him, trying—and failing—to come up with an answer.

  There was a sudden pounding on the door.

  “Are you all right in there, Reverend?” asked a deep voice from the other side.

  “If you need any help with the robot, let us know!” said another.