F*cking Awkward Read online

  “Are you okay?” He looked from Chelsea to me, concern covering his face.

  “You texted, Tom too?” I glared at Chelsea, who held her hands up.

  “I did not.” She shook her head adamantly.

  “Chelsea didn’t text me. Talia got called in to work, so I was just dropping off some dinner. What happened?” Tom came in and stood by the bed. I relaxed a bit, glad to know that Chelsea hadn’t texted everyone.

  “I had a mishap with something. I’m fine. We should be out of here in no time. I’ll call you later.” I did my best to get Tom to leave, but he wasn’t having it. Tom and Trevor were my best friends, and Chelsea was right, they were family. I knew that Tom was genuinely concerned, but that was only because he had no idea what was really wrong.

  “You’re the ‘Cock Ring Guy’?” I groaned loudly at the sound of Talia’s voice as she pushed a metal tray into the room, a smile spreading across her face when she realized her patient was me.

  “Talia!” Chelsea jumped up and hugged her. “I feel so much better knowing you’re here.”

  “Me too.” She grinned, looking at me. This night just got a whole lot worse.

  “Cock Ring?” Tom asked, glancing down at my crotch before grimacing. “Dude!”

  “Shut up,” I ground out between my teeth. “It wasn’t supposed to get stuck.”

  “Okay, ready to get started?” Dr. Shaft came back in the room, pulling on another pair of gloves.

  “Can I get another nurse?” I asked, giving Talia my dirtiest look. She and I had a love/hate relationship, and this whole ordeal was giving her the upper hand. She was going to have way too much ammunition with this one.

  “I’m sorry, Nick, but Talia is the only one available right now.” Dr. Shaft looked between us both, frowning.

  “Oh, its fine, Dr. Shaft. Nick and I are friends, so this is a bit strange for him, but you know me…always the professional.” Talia winked at me. Bitch.

  “Did you want your family to stay?” Dr. Shaft looked at Tom and Chelsea.

  “Come on, Tom.” Chelsea pulled him toward the door. “You don’t want to see this. It’ll give you nightmares.” So much for the support of my girl.

  With Tom and Chelsea gone, the doctor pulled up my gown, revealing my problem.

  “Damn, Nick if you want to boost your self-esteem all you needed to do was get dressed and go to Walmart.” Talia looked at my swollen dick and balls, not even flinching. I’m sure she had seen worse.

  “Yup, no doubt about it, Talia, your dad should’ve pulled out,” I grumbled, no longer having the energy to be embarrassed.

  “Says the man with his genitals in a vice.” She grinned.

  “Touché.” I shrugged, lying back against the pillow.

  “Talia, give me the lube.” Dr. Shaft took the lube from her and squirted a generous amount onto me. The cold caused me to shiver. At least I didn’t have to worry about shrinkage. He then began to push and pull on my tender flesh.

  “Son of a bitch!” I hollered. The pain was excruciating.

  “Do you think if we got rid of the erection it would help?” Talia suggested.

  “Maybe,” The doctor agreed, and it wasn’t lost on me that they seemed to have no idea what to do.

  “Do you want a syringe of phenylephrine?” Talia asked and I sat up like lightning.

  “Hell no!” I shook my head. “He does not want a syringe. What’s wrong with you, woman?”

  “Nick, we have a medicine that can help make the erection go down. It might make it easier to get the ring off,” Talia tried to explain, but I’d have none of it.

  “I know what a syringe is, Talia, and I have no doubt it would get rid of an erection, but you’re not sticking a needle in my dick.”

  “When is the intermission for all this drama? I need to pee,” Talia rolled her eyes at me, clearly not taking me seriously.

  “Talia, the color is getting worse,” Dr. Shaft pointed at my poor guys.

  “Well, you know what they say… ‘Once you go black’.” She grinned at me.

  “I may look calm right now, but I’ve already killed you in my head three times.” I glared at her, causing her smile to widen. She was having entirely too much fun at my expense.

  “I think we need to cut it off.” Dr. Shaft turned to Talia and she nodded.

  “Cut it off?” I jumped out of the bed and pressed myself against the wall, knocking over a trashcan in the process.

  Tom and Chelsea ran back in the small room with all the commotion. “What’s going on?” Chelsea asked, taking in the situation.

  “They want to cut my dick off!” I screamed, only slightly embarrassed at the fact that my voice sounded like a screaming pre-pubescent girl at a Justin Bieber concert.

  “What are you talking about?” Tom asked, looking to me and his girlfriend. Dr. Shaft was smirking and Talia was all but rolling on the floor in a fit of laughter.

  “Now, Nick, I can assure you that we are not cutting your penis off. I was referring to the ring when I said we needed to cut it off.” Dr. Shaft approached me like I was a freaking mental patient, guiding me back to the bed. He placed an ice pack on my groin and backed away, apparently so I wouldn’t be spooked again.

  I tried to catch my breath, the panic slowly lessening now that I knew my poor guys weren’t in harm’s way.

  “I’m going to get the bolt cutters.” Talia left the room.

  “Bolt cutters?” I asked, sure I heard her wrong.

  Dr. Shaft nodded. “We have them for situations like this. You’re not the first one to get stuck in a predicament like this.” He chuckled and I glared at Chelsea and Tom when they joined him. Was no one loyal anymore?

  Dr. Shaft once again lifted my gown up and exposed me, taking with it the last bit of dignity that I’d held on to.

  Talia came back in with the biggest pair of bolt cutters I’d ever seen and I felt myself getting nauseated. “Here, baby,” she said, handing Tom a red wrapped bar of some sort. Food? Was he really fucking eating right now?

  “I don’t feel so good,” I whispered, but nobody seemed to notice. I realized Tom had just caught sight of my cock and balls and his face had gone pale. Chelsea worked to get him in a seat, ignoring me completely. “You need to eat something, Tom.” she coaxed him down and unwrapped his candy bar, holding it while he took a bite.

  “Hey, asshole! Are you really fucking eating right now?” I asked as Tom took a bite.

  His smile grew before replying, “Hey, I’m just here for the Nut Roll.”

  “You better pray you aren’t talking about my junk.” I warned, some of the fight coming back into me.

  “Nut Roll.” He held up his candy bar and sure as shit it was an actual Nut Roll. I just shook my head. I didn’t even have a comeback.

  “I think we’ll go from the side,” Dr. Shaft said, tucking some wet gauze around my tender skin to protect it. “I’m going to hold back the skin. Do you think you can get the jaws of the cutters under?”

  It was then that I realized that Talia was manning the bolt cutters and heading straight for my cock and balls. I began to plead, “I’m sorry, Talia. I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever said to you.” I was shaking, sweat dripped down my temple. This just might be it. I may never be able to use my dick again.

  It was with this final thought that I lost consciousness.

  “Are you okay?” Chelsea asked as we climbed into the car.

  “I feel like I’ve been run over by the Karma bus.” I stared out the front of the windshield. Dr. Shaft and Talia were able to remove the cock ring while I was passed out. Fortunately, my erection went away on its own shortly after without needing a needle to help it along. My skin was still tender, but Dr. Shaft seemed to think that it would all be back in working order without issues. I wasn’t convinced as I sat there feeling very vulnerable with an ice pack on my groin.

  “Thank you for trying to give me a special night.” Chelsea ran her hand down my cheek before she put the car in revers
e. “Maybe next time you should try an adjustable cock ring,” she said, smiling at me.

  Next time? Fuck that.

  The End

  * * *

  You can find more of these characters in Taryn’s Philadelphia Series!

  In My Arms

  A Part of Me

  Out of My Element

  Learning to Live Again

  Taryn is a lover of books and wine, usually enjoying them together. Writing has been a way for her to step away from chaotic reality and live a bit through her fun and sometimes damaged characters. You will almost always find a Happy Ever After at the end of her stories. She can't help it, it's an addiction.

  She enjoys spending time with her friends and family, but cherishes those quiet nights after everyone is asleep when she can curl up on the couch to read with her geriatric dog. (Shh, don't tell...He's not supposed to be on the couch.)

  www.TarynPlendl.com

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  Wicked Weekend ~ Featuring Colton “Bull” Lanier & Chaise Lanier~Characters from the Steele Security Series

  A.D. Justice

  “Finally,” Colton grumbled. “That was the longest fucking case we’ve ever worked. I can’t wait to take you away and have you all to myself for the next five days.”

  “I’m so ready, Colton,” Chaise agreed. “We barely had a honeymoon because of that case. You’re leaving your phone behind. There’s no way I’m sharing you with Steele Security for our long weekend away.”

  “Deal. No fucking way I’m leaving your side for one second. I have so many things planned for that sexy body of yours.”

  “Oh, yeah? Like what?”

  “Let’s just say I’ve definitely upped the game in my bag of tricks.” He shot her a sly smile and a mischievous wink. “Trust me, babe.”

  Chaise zipped her suitcase closed and flashed Colton her sexy smile. “I’m ready.”

  “Keep talking like that, and I’ll be ready right now,” Colton warned as he picked up her suitcase. “Get that fine ass of yours in the car and let’s hit the road.”

  Colton keyed the address into the GPS, and they set out for their destination–a private bed-and-breakfast on a secluded part of a barrier island in the Gulf of Mexico. As a key member of the security firm, Colton was often needed to oversee critical assignments. With the last one completed and behind him, he decided a getaway with his wife of only a few months was the best reward for a job well done.

  “I can’t believe we’re finally doing this,” Chaise remarked. “I thought this day would never come. You realize you’ve been on a case since the day I met you?”

  “Yeah, I sure have.” He raised her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. “But for the next five days, I’ll only be on you.”

  “You know I do love that mouth of yours, Colton.”

  “My mouth will be on you, too. All over you, baby.”

  “Just hurry up and get there. You’re killing me,” Chaise demanded.

  Colt chuckled and turned up the radio. “Anything you say, my love.”

  After a couple of hours of driving and fantasizing about everything he planned to do to his wife, he needed a distraction before his urges forced him to pull over on the side of the road. Glancing over at Chaise, all he saw were her toned, tanned legs. The smooth skin begging him to glide his tongue across every inch of them before reaching her soft, delicious center. He quickly averted his eyes, moving his focus back to the road.

  “How’d you find this place anyway?” He sounded calm and casual, but the blood surged through his veins and had started to collect between his legs. The uncomfortable swelling that pushed against the inside of his zipper was hard to ignore.

  “I didn’t find it. I thought you did.”

  “No, Liz gave me the paper and said you printed it.”

  Liz was an adopted member of the Steele Security family. In her late sixties, her eccentric ways and lack of a brain-mouth filter kept everyone on their toes. Somehow, she always seemed to get away with whatever crazy new stunt she pulled, regardless of how embarrassed it made the team.

  “Oh, shit.”

  “Yeah, oh, shit. What have we done?”

  “It’s too late now. We’re almost there, and our reservation is nonrefundable. I’m sure Liz wouldn’t send us somewhere awful. Right?”

  “Not if she knows what’s good for her. She’ll have to see us again in a few days.”

  “We’re about to find out. Take the next left,” Chaise pointed.

  Across the bridge, at the end of a road devoid of anything resembling civilization, Colt pulled into the driveway and put his truck in park. His eyes roamed over the grounds, took in the buildings on the lot, and gripped the steering wheel with both hands. “I’ve never seen a bed-and-breakfast like this before.”

  “You’re right,” Chaise agreed. “It doesn’t look like a regular B&B. Let’s just go in and check it out. If it’s too bad, we’ll just go stay somewhere else.”

  They climbed out of the truck and approached the front door of the main house. As they reached the door, they were met by a woman who was the exact image of Liz, only slightly older. Colt and Chaise stopped in their tracks and flashed each other a tentative glance.

  “You must be Bull and Chaise,” the lady addressed them with a knowing nod. “Liz told me all about you, young man. Your name is Colton, but your code name is Bull. I like code names. They’re all dangerous and sexy.

  “You’re even sexier than she described. Look at those broad shoulders. Women love that, you know. Bulging muscles, strong back. You don’t skip leg day at the gym, do you?”

  “Uh, no, ma’am, I don’t,” Colt stuttered. “Do you know Liz Stanton?”

  “I’m Bea Lee, her older sister.” She extended her hand and shook their hands. “My husband, Earl, is around here somewhere.”

  “Do you own this bed-and-breakfast?” Chaise asked.

  “Bed-and-breakfast?” She chuckled sarcastically. “I guess you could call it that. I rent out a couple of rooms in this big house from time to time. Like right now, I have two couples staying here for the week on their vacation.”

  A young, black Labrador retriever suddenly came bounding out the door behind Bea, nearly knocking her down on its way out. Chaise jumped out of the way in the nick of time, but Colt wasn’t as lucky. The lab’s big nose plowed into Colt’s family jewels as she rushed through the space between his legs. Colt’s knees buckled, his hands instinctively flew to cover his wounded package, and he bent at the waist with a groan of pain.

  “Harper, bad dog!” Bea yelled. “Bad dog!”

  Harper apparently didn’t care what her owner thought of her behavior as she continued bouncing around the yard, chasing the flying insects, and marking her territory on the tires of Colt’s truck.

  “Damn dog,” Bea huffed. “Thinks she’s a boy. I’ve never seen a girl dog hike her leg and piss on everything like that one does. Craziest thing I’ve ever seen. You two come on in, and I’ll grab the key to the private cottage. That’s the one Liz said you’d want.”

  “Harper Lee?” Chaise laughed. “You must be a big fan.”

  “Always have been,” Bea confirmed. “Always will be.”

  Chaise and Colt followed Bea inside, still not convinced they should stay, but they knew they couldn’t very well leave now. The inside of the large beach house was decorated in a nautical theme throughout. Each room flowed into the next, giving the feel of a welcoming, lived-in home. Seeing the home so clean and well-kept, Chaise began to feel less apprehensive about spending their time away there.

  “You have a lovely home, Bea,” she complimented. “Colton and I live more inland, but after seeing this, I may have to work on him to move to a beachfront home.”

  “We love it here. Let me show you the back deck.” Bea led the way to the back French patio doors and swung them open to give a full view.

  “It’s breathtaking,” Ch
aise replied. “I’d live right here, in this space, all the time. You have a perfect view of the beach and the ocean.”

  “We like it.” Bea shrugged one shoulder nonchalantly, trying to downplay the importance of the location. “We can go this way to your room. I’ll unlock this door in the mornings so you can come in for breakfast and coffee.”

  The smaller building on the property was a petite version of the main house, just slightly larger than a mother-in-law’s apartment. The living room and kitchen were one large, open space. The short hallway led to the master bedroom, bath, and a laundry room. A small formal dining area was situated off the kitchen and had a large sliding glass door leading to the patio area.

  “I’m so glad we have the same perfect view you have,” Chaise said to Bea. “Look, Colton, we have a hot tub on the patio.”

  “It’s still early enough in the season to use it without burning up, too,” Bea replied. “You’ll have plenty of privacy out here. You’re far enough from the main house to feel like you’re alone but close enough to let me know if you need anything.”

  “Thank you. This looks perfect. I’ll just grab our bags from the truck, and we’ll be out of your hair.” Colt turned and started back toward the front door.

  “Here are the keys. You kids have fun.” Bea winked mischievously, and Chaise knew without a doubt she had the same eccentric streak Liz had. When Bea reached the door, she stopped before going through it. “Oh, and since we’re the only ones out here, we let Harper run free as much as possible. She’s still a pup and has too much energy to sit still. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all. We love dogs,” Chaise assured her.

  “Glad to hear it. Tell Bull he can pull his truck into the carport to get it out of the sun. That door leads straight into the laundry room, and those keys are for it, too. Enjoy your stay.”

  When Colton came in with the bags, Chaise relayed the message and started unpacking while he moved the truck to the shaded carport. “Ready for a dip in the ocean? I can’t wait to see you in that skimpy bikini. On this deserted beach. Where no one else can see you.”